Dear Eric: I have an 18-year-old daughter who just moved four hours away to college. Her father and I have been separated for almost three years. Prior to moving to college, she visited him only during court-ordered visitation. She felt like he did not want her around or he made no effort to have a relationship with her. She recently came home to visit for three days. She did not go see her father. Every day I would ask if she’d seen her dad and every day, she said he knows I’m here but hasn’t called or texted me. Not 30 minutes after she left, he called and cursed me out. He blames me for her not coming to visit. After a child turns 18, they do not have to visit their parents. I understand why he feels the way he does, and I understand why she feels the way she does. I just don’t know what to do next. We also have two younger kids, and I know this is going to cause so much trouble between us all. Any advice? Caught in the Middle Dear Middle: Your children’s father is putting you in an inappropriate position that, conveniently, clears him of any responsibility for maintaining the relationships in his life. It’s much easier, presumably, to believe the narrative that you’re not doing enough to make your daughter available to him, rather than acknowledging the truth: he is perfectly capable of dialing his own phone. Tell him and your daughter that you need to remove yourself from their planning. That means you won’t ask her about whether she’s going to visit him, but also that you won’t receive calls from him berating you about another adult’s actions. Be firm and clear about this. This frustration he has may bleed into other parts of the relationship you have with him. But it sounds like this conflict is born of issues that have always been at the core of the separation, if not the relationship itself. Removing yourself from a conflict that doesn’t involve you may not be comfortable, but it will help. Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.
https://www.al.com/advice/2025/11/asking-eric-conflict-between-daughter-and-father-traps-mother-in-the-middle.html
Asking Eric: Conflict between daughter and father traps mother in the middle
