For some, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. But for others, ’tis the season for unmet expectations, stress, and grief. Psychology experts say these feelings require compassion, empathy, and support.
“One of the difficulties with emphasizing the festivity of the holidays is that people who are suffering or who may have experienced a substantial loss in their lives don’t feel that way, and they feel they don’t belong necessarily in that other festive context,” said Elizabeth Bachen, Lee Mirmow professor of psychological sciences at Northeastern University and director of the Mills Laboratory of Psychology and Health.
### Understanding Holiday Depression
Holiday depression, or the “holiday blues,” is situational depression triggered by the holiday season—from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day—according to the Cleveland Clinic. Symptoms can include feeling depressed, losing interest or pleasure in things you enjoy, and anxiety, nervousness, or being “on edge” around the holidays.
The condition can exacerbate existing mental illness, and stress during the holidays is well documented. A 2023 American Psychological Association poll found that 89% of adults in the United States reported financial concerns, missing loved ones, and anticipating family conflict as causes of stress during the holidays.
### Why the Holidays Are Especially Stressful
Laurie Kramer, professor of applied psychology and director of the counseling psychology Ph.D. program at Northeastern, explained that people are especially stressed during the season because the holidays are “marker events” that reflect where we are in our lives at the moment, compared to past years. These marker events come with high expectations and difficult associations.
“We often have these ideas of perfection and happiness, which are incredibly difficult to achieve, especially year after year,” Kramer said. “And if the holidays were a time where there was a significant loss or trauma in the family, that’s also what you’re going to be thinking about.”
Such thoughts don’t easily translate into tidings of comfort and joy.
“It can feel a little bit selfish to indulge in the holidays,” Kramer explained. “How can I have a good time? How can I really let myself enjoy this when other people I love and care about can’t do that as well?”
Beyond emotional stress, the holidays often come with pressures from gift giving, decorating, entertaining, cooking, and maintaining “holiday cheer”—which, according to Kramer, can cause the season to turn into “a chore.”
### Supporting Loved Ones Experiencing the Holiday Blues
So, what can you do if a loved one is struggling during this season?
“Naming it can be very helpful,” Kramer suggested. “Say, ‘It’s Hanukkah, or we’re coming up on Christmas, we’re coming to the New Year. I know this is a difficult and stressful time, so let’s talk about what we can do to make it easier.’”
Elizabeth Bachen recommends making a list of ways you can help and asking the loved one to choose an option that would be most useful and effective.
It’s important to offer both what psychologists call **emotional support** and **tangible support**. Emotional support might entail listening to someone talk about their feelings and expressing empathy, while tangible support could be assisting with concrete tasks.
“Just being aware that there are different kinds of support people need and checking in with a person to see what is needed at this time is a good thing to do,” Bachen said.
Understanding different kinds of grief can also be helpful. For example, the loss of a loved one to dementia is a form of ambiguous loss—not always visible to others except the closest relatives or friends. Cumulative loss, such as the loss of a child followed by a divorce, can bring complex feelings associated with each event.
### Taking Care of Yourself
If you are feeling depressed yourself, Bachen recommends setting boundaries but also encourages resisting the urge to isolate entirely.
“Social support is also one of the strongest ways of buffering stress that we know,” she said.
Kramer adds that resetting your expectations is crucial.
“Forget about having the perfect holiday,” Kramer said. “Instead, think about what would make you happy—how could you imagine walking away from that day and feel like it was a nice event?”
### Additional Resources for Mental Health
If you care about mental health, consider exploring research on how dairy foods may influence depression risk and six foods that can improve mental health.
For more information, see recent studies on top foods to tame your stress and how Omega-3 fats may help reduce depression.
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*Written by Cyrus Moulton, Northeastern University*
https://knowridge.com/2025/12/why-we-get-and-how-to-beat-the-holiday-blues/
